Sigh. Not that 99% of what I have written here isn't already navel-gazing tripe, but I'm feeling especially introspective today. What do I really want from chess?
From minimum to maximum my chess goals might be:
-To have fun playing chess
-To get a plus score in an expert section tournament
-To win the club championship
-To win the state championship
-To win a trophy in the expert section in one of the two large Reno tournaments
-To push my USCF rating to 2200 and start calling myself a national master
-To achieve a FIDE rating of 2200 so that I could call myself a FIDE master
But today, I feel like a mess. When I look at my blunderprone, inaccurate game, I can hardly believe I'm an expert. I don't study openings or middle games. I dabble in some obscure, useless endings. I can hardly bring myself to play internet blitz or train at the internet tactics servers. I have no energy for chess today. My laziness overwhelms my ambition. I know it's probably a cyclical thing, that all I need do is wait for my biorhythms to go back on the upswing, but bad funks have a way of magnifying themselves so that they seem insurmountable.
On a day like this, I have a hard time picturing myself rolling out of bed in a motel, getting up to do battle in the halls of a chess tournament. My chess travels have usually led to scores below .500. This often brings me to question if it's even worth it to travel and expend money on distant tournaments. So what? Some people who are significantly older than me seem to have unbounded energy and enthusiasm.
Maybe I'll just have fun playing chess. Does that sound like a sour grapes approach to my other lofty chess goals?
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